Intimacy expert explains how often married couples should be having sex

An intimacy expert has opened up about how often married couples should be rolling around together between the sheets.

Couples may see a fizzle when it comes to their long-term relationships. Credit: franckreporter/Getty

Now, we all know that the start of relationships can be full of excitement, electricity, and lust.

But what happens when that initial spark fades and you’re left juggling household chores, paying bills, children and wondering, “Is our bedroom game… okay?”

If this sounds familiar (and let’s be real, it probably does if you clicked on this article), don’t panic. Help is here!

Enter Juli Slattery, a US-based clinical psychologist and intimacy expert who’s all about helping couples navigate the highs and lows of their romantic relationships. She runs a website dedicated to all things sex and relationships and recently shared some wisdom in her video titled, How Often Should Married Couples Have Sex?

Some couples may see frequency in the bedroom fizzle out – but don’t be alarmed. Credit: Peter Cade/Getty

Spoiler alert: it’s not about the numbers.

Quality Over Quantity

In her video, Slattery argues that couples should focus on cultivating deeper intimacy rather than obsessing over a magic number.

“I think it’s important to think about the quality of sexual intimacy within your marriage,” she says. “Is it just a perpetual ‘hooking up’ because you’re supposed to? Or is it a journey of communication, sharing, and fun?”

While she notes that studies show most married couples tend to have sex about once a week, she’s quick to remind us that there’s no “one-size-fits-all” approach.

“If your desires and your level of intimacy, fun, and interaction is more than that… that’s your normal,” Slattery explains. She emphasizes that what works for one couple may not work for another, as factors like stress, health, and individual preferences all play a role.

That being said, over on Slattery’s website, Authentic Intimacy, she admits that research suggests “that couples who have sex at least once a week have greater relationship satisfaction”. However – once again – she stresses that numbers aren’t everything, and that some couples “may actually need to take a break from sex in order to build true sexual intimacy”.

This is echoed by Dr. Logan Levkoff – who holds a PhD in human sexuality, marriage and family life education from New York University – who told NBC News: “We have lots of expectations about how relationships are ‘supposed’ to look.”

Much like Slattery, Levkoff insists “there is no ‘normal'”.

Married or Not, Intimacy Is Key

While much of Slattery’s advice comes from a Christian perspective with a focus on marriage, she insists that the principles of intimacy and connection apply to all long-term relationships—wedding rings optional.

Experts say there is no “normal”, but that intimacy is key. Credit: Erdark/Getty

“The most important thing is that you work towards being on the same page and you’re actually building intimacy together,” she says.

“If you’re desires and your level of intimacy, fun and interaction is more than that… that’s your normal,” she adds.

And let’s be honest: skipping the wedding aisle doesn’t mean skipping out on a meaningful partnership. After all, weddings can be super expensive (and who needs that stress, anyway?).

Take the Pressure Off

So, if you’ve been stressing about your after-hours activities, Slattery’s advice is a breath of fresh air. Instead of worrying about what everyone else is doing — or how often they’re doing it — focus on building a connection that feels right for you and your partner.

At the end of the day, there’s no “normal” number when it comes to intimacy. As Slattery puts it, “It’s a journey of communication, sharing, and fun.”

So, whether your bedroom is buzzing seven days a week or just occasionally, remember: it’s all about what works for you.

Featured image credit: OR Images/Getty